ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
