1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
