I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
