Jerry, you need to find god
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
