At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize