dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
