someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
