her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
