You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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