Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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