Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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