guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
