i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize