i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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