Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
