i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
