Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
