I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
