I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
