You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
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