so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
