im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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