I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
