i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
