I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
