you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
