so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize