My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
