I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
