does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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