wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize