Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I have aggressive nipples.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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