I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Found your dick twin last night
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
