she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
