I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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