cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize