I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
