my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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