so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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