Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
