The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize