I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
