she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
