I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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