She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
