Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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