I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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