I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
