My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
