Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
