I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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