just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
