is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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