allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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