And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
