I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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