i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
