She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
