I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
