Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
