My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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