his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
