Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
