Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
