I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Someone came in the potted fern
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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