Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
