Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
