i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
