I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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