I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
She needs sedatives and a leash
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
